“ROMEO!! Wheee!!! Look Romeo!” screams Mother waving an envelope in the air.

“Wassup mum” say I, lazily licking my paw.

“It’s here!! Oh my god I love it when people are so friggin’ efficient! I get so impatient about these things,” as she tears open the envelope.

“Wassat mum” I go, examining my well endowed maleness.

“Remember I told you I was going to test your DNA for Degenerative Myelopathy and you freaked out and worried yourself pale about scalpels and needles? It’s here!!” Mother exclaims, pulling out 2 sheets of paper and a dubious looking rectangular strip that says ‘Sterile Foam Tipped Applicator’.

I gulped thinking about all the places that swab can go.

“The DIY DNA test kit from the Orthopedic Foundation for Animals run by the University of Missouri has arrived! I’m gonna swab your mouth and collect alot of saliva and cheek cells to put on a little card then courier it back to them to test if you have degenerative myelopathy!” she explains as she reads the documents.

I heave a huuuuuge sigh of relief and allow my jewels to drop back down again. “Must I Mother?”

“Yes of course you must! It’s almost impossible to test of it here and testing for it and getting a negative result will give me much needed relief! I’d like to know if you’re going to get worse my boy, if I should start building ramps and thinking about getting you wheels or whatever.” Mother snaps on rubber gloves.

“Now open wide.. AAAAAHHHHH”