*buzz on the intercom* “Romeo, can I see you in my office please. NOW.”

“Uh-oh. What did I do now?” I wondered as I slowly made my way to Mother’s “office” (aka her room but she likes to feel important).

“Romeo, please sit. Sit. SIT I SAY!”

I comply and look at her with the saddest face I could muster hoping I won’t get into too much trouble. Ohmigod, what if she takes away my treats?!

“It has come to my attention that your adolescence has not ended. I don’t understand. I thought you were all grown up. Explain yourself.”

“Err.. I have urges. I have strong desires to sniff and meet every female I meet and suss out every male competition I come across! I didn’t mean anything by it!” I cry, keeping my legs closed tightly in hopes she doesn’t realise the true cause of my behaviours.

“You can uncross your legs boy. I cannot neuter you.”

PHEW!!!

“BUT you must learn to pay me more heed, do you hear me? I cannot simply cease to exist the moment we walk out the front door. You MUST place Mother above all else - above females, pee smells, whatever. You must LOOK AT MUMMY from time to time. You must check in with me.”

“Whaaaaat.” Oops. Shouldn’t have said that out loud. Mother narrows her eyes to thin slits. Her eyes drill holes into my head.

“I will teach you how to do this since you clearly don’t know how. I will teach you how to give me ATTENTION.”

Uhoh here it comes!

“From now on, you will not have free access to anything outdoors. You will no longer be allowed off leash or to dog parks. You will be tethered to me at all times until you learn the meaning of ATTENTION. You will not be permitted to sniff or mark any tree, pole, bush or other object when we are outdoors. You will (as far as possible) not be allowed to meet dogs anymore.”

“WHAT! No! That’s unfair! UNREASONABLE! I wil call the Sheltie Union on you!” say I as I bang my paw on her desk in a show of false bravado.

“Oh you and your pigheaded demon-spawn stubborn crazy behaviour. Sit your ass down! I’m not done. If you want to be able to do any of what I am now restricting, you may. PROVIDED you look at me.”

Huh. WTF. I stare back at her blankly. Me no comprehende.

Mother purses her lips. “Geez, when you’re a teen your brain goes too doesn’t it? I MEAN, every time you look at me, you will be rewarded with whatever you so really want to do, like tree sniffing. If we are on a walk, for example, you will be required to walk close to me on loose leash and not sniff anything at all. If you do, for whatever reason hallelujah praise the Lord, actually LOOK ME IN THE EYES, I will let you mark and sniff the nearest tree to your heart’s content.”

*mumble mumble* “yeeeea alright….” *more moaning and groaning*

“I’m tired of your teenage don’t give a damn about mum behaviour. It makes Mother feel like a pile of doodoo. Ok, you’re dismissed.

Oh wait. I forgot to tell you. We’ve got a new comer joining us soon. A girlie called Juliet. She will be your sister. You had better buck up before she gets here and set a good example for her to follow! Or else!! Ok now go. Shoo shoo. Give mummy some time alone to play Cafe World and Farmville.” as Mother shuts the door behind me.

Juliet? What? Who??

Have any of you ever fought with a monkey? I nearly did!

Mother took me to Sentosa recently to look at a possibly wedding dinner venue (she didn’t like it in the end) and we were making our way to my favourite “exhibit”, the giant turtles. On the way there, we had to pass a forested area, and as we were walking closer, a monkey appeared. It looked male and it was big. Mother muttered something about it possibly being the leader or alpha of the rest of the monkeys we could hear behind the trees. She eyed the monkey very cautiously, who had made its way down the tree and onto the road. We were less than 10 meters away! Mother stopped of course when she saw the monkey on the road, worried about going further. I don’t know why though coz I can surely take him on!! GRRR *strikes macho pose*

Next thing I knew, Mother turned around and walked back where we came from. I wouldn’t let it go of course and constantly turned around and started to growl and bark abit, which alarmed Mother and she hushed me and tried to distract me from the monkey. Mother turned around at one point and saw that the monkey was hissing, baring teeth and started to come closer. She picked up the pace and practically dragged my “ready for a fight” ass away. Thankfully (to mom) the monkey did not follow.

Mother said her heart was pounding and she was mentally preparing herself to fight the monkey and keep me from harm. I was thinking of all the ways I could tear that monkey apart!! I don’t know why Mother thinks she needs to protect me. Pfft. I am MANLY MACHO RAMBO ROMEO. I can take that puny primate!

After her heartbeat returned to normal, she wondered what we did that could have ticked the monkey off. Then she burst out laughing.

“What? What, Mother?!”

“I think the monkey thought YOU were an intruding monkey. You’re the same colour as he was! And furry! And about the same size! Teeheehee. You look like this! Hahaha! Mommy’s little monkey boy! ”

“…… *grumbles*  I think that monkey’s friggin’ blind.”

Whee! What a great week! Many interesting events. Let me give you a run down.

Over the weekend, my pals Ruthie, Reyla, Enzo & Wally celebrated their first birthday at K9 Kulture! We had a fabulous time of course. Me especially so! I was like a moth to Ruthie’s flame. Mother kept slapping her hand to her forehead when I chased her down and tried to show her my moves. She mumbled something about it being a good thing Ruthie wore some pants but not that I knew how to do it anyway. It? What’s It? 

Here are pictures from that day!

Mother decided to buy a whole duck from the market on Sunday. She got a big bag of hearts, livers and gizzards from 8 ducks for free! She says she’s so going back to this butcher. Instead of having to pay for 

livers and other “spare parts”, she can get it for free! Here was my dinner that night. Not for the faint hearted. I’ve decided I don’t like duck as much as other meats tho’. It doesn’t seem to have any smell! 

Mother told me that after she had chopped off the duck’s head, neck and a wing, it quacked. She and Auntie M, our helper stopped and Auntie M asked “Did you hear that?” And Mother was like.. “YEA! FREAKY!” So apparently this duck’s soul is still flying around. Either that or Mother has gone a little quacky!

Mother and Father took half the day off on Monday to run some errands then took me to the Botanical Gardens! I prefer the place when it’s not so crowded. We usually go on a

 Sunday when there are alot of people and dogs all around! Mother put my on a long leash and let me run around. I showed her tho’! I followed wherever she went and listened to her directions and she rewarded me by running through the fields! I love running! I don’t think Mother does tho’. She says she’s allergic to running - her thighs itch and all that.

A couple of weeks back, Ichigo and his family joined us for a swim at Club4Paws! We had the place to ourselves and we had so much fun! Funnily though, I’ve met Ichigo sooo many times before (he goes to West Coast dog run all the time too), and I’ve never played with him. But that day, we were playfighting all the way! Mother hadn’t seen me “boxing” before - she was very amused. She didn’t think I had it in me. Hmpf. I showed her! I don’t always play like a girl!! Mother says though, if you watch my tail in the videos you can see that I’m a bit more of a pansy than Ichigo. His tail almost never went down! I know that I was pissing him off at some point because the playing got more rough and growly and snappy! In both videos below, I am the noisy barky one always with my mouth open chasing Ichigo. Easy to spot eh?

Today we went to the pool again and met another West Coast dog run regular. I forget his name, we never play together. He looks like a german shepherd doberman pinscher cross. He came to the pool today with his dad and his human siblings wearing a choke chain and a leash. They never took the leash off. Instead his father dragged the pup unceremoniously into the pool (cue choking gagging sounds - when I say drag I really mean drag). Of course the pup moved his ass when he felt the pressure closing off his throat and windpipe. His lovely family then proceeded to DRAG the pup by the leash across the length of the pool. The pup is no Michael Phelps. He didn’t like and didn’t really know how to swim (like me before, just hitting the water with his paws struggling to keep his head above the water). Mother stood shocked and speechless. She knew if she said something she’d get yelled at, and her aggro day was Friday, and it had passed so we left the pool. She didn’t want to watch this dangerous method of “training” any more.

In the car, she ranted about how she didn’t understand how people can continue to argue the point that choke chains are perfectly fine if the user knows how to use it, when it’s so widely available without so much as a small “how-to” tag. Fact of the matter is, the vast majority of the people don’t know how to use it and it should not be a tool used for training by the masses. It should not be sold over the counter at all. Out of 10 random people using choke chains 9 will pull the dog to compliance by the chain, effectively strangulating the poor dog, instead of giving it a quick tug as pro-choke chain people will say is the correct method of using the chain. I don’t know why these people can’t be a little more patient. It took Mother only 4 sessions at the pool to get me swimming ON MY OWN. By the 4 session, I was moving off into the deeper end and pushing myself into the water without any hands on me, without any leash. All it took was lotsa smelly treats and Mother’s “Yay! Go Romeo! You’re the next Michael Phelps!” and her singing the Finding Nemo “Just Keep Swimming” song. I don’t even need treats now - I just get into the water by myself and swim to the other end without even getting a whiff of liver. Never once did I have to worry about being strangled while being surrounded by what I had feared.

I CAN SWIM! And while I’m not enjoying it thoroughly I no longer freeze when I’m in the pool! Mother was so proud of me when on my own accord, I got the courage to walk into the deeper part of the pool and started to paddle across. She was amused when I started offering her the swimming behaviour over and over! And even more amused when Kayla came along and I’d swim around the pool just to try and catch hold of the elusive pretty one! We’re going again to Club4Paws this Saturday at 9am! If you’re free (and up at that time of the day on a weekend), join us!

I was thiiiiiis close to hating swimming all over again last Saturday. All because of a boisterous young pup and his parents. When I’m learning how to swim, please can you NOT jump on my head, thank you very much! I don’t need help in drowning. Don’t come and splash water and paw my face when I’m chilling on the steps of the pool either. Not appreciated! As it is, I don’t really like dogs and I most certainly don’t like dogs in my face when I’m in a situation I don’t quite enjoy and have trouble running away from! Still, you are just a little pup, and you don’t know any better. Your parents however, inexcusable! They should have been more considerate and tried to teach you some manners and should have made some attempt to control you from ruining others’ swimming experience!

Mother, as she was being jumped on by the labrador pup and as she swatted him off me, being her usual self,  turned to the pup’s mum and said “Can you please stop your dog from jumping on mine?” To which pup’s mum replied “This is a public pool ok!” What exactly is the relevance of that? Did we say “please leave the pool?” No. We asked that you control your damn dog woman. “How to control! It’s a dog! How am I supposed to control it?” Well firstly, you could put a collar on your dog. Why can Mother control me and you can’t control your own pup? Mother and I put up with the pup’s nonsense since the week before last when they were also there. Mother made such amazing progress with me but when the pup came and jumped on me in the pool, I refused to swim across by myself again. She wanted to strangle someone. I was amazed she didn’t yell or call the woman stupid and ignorant. Must be because she didn’t want Kayla’s mum to think her nuts. She’s got too much balls this one.

The father of the pup clearly knew his pup was being a nuisance. He tried to stop the dog (badly) but at least he did. Mother (and I) don’t mind if the pup jumps on mum coz she’s prepared to get wet but NOT ON ME PLEASE. I’m freaked out enough as it is. I really don’t need any more help in that department. It was only when the pup jumped on another pup having its first swim, dunking the poor tot’s head under the water (with an “OEI!” yelled out by the new swimming baby’s folks) that the lab’s parents headed off. All the better. Everyone had a pleasant swimming experience after that. And I could resume chasing Kayla in the pool.

Can’t wait to swim again next week! More of that disgustingly smelly and super yummy baked chicken gizzard!!

I’m not sure when it will get into Mother’s head that I’m wearing a thick double coated fur coat and spending a day at the beach where the sun shines the hottest is not my idea of fun! Does she realise that humans go and lie around in practically nothing? Teeny tiny pieces of cloth! Does she know that they do that because they are HOT?? As much as I’d like to take off my coat and sun tan, I can’t (and won’t. I’m a shy boy!) Here are some pictures of our most recent trip to Sentosa, Tanjong and Silosa beach (Mother’s way of making up to me for being away for so long).

I am so handsome, I really don’t know what to say. Look at that manly profile. WOW.

Mother decided to stop at Coastes so I can rest but I think that’s just an excuse for her to guzzle down a margarita. At least she thought of me and ordered bbq chicken wings and some ice cubes! Yum. Their chicken wings and thin crust pizza ROCK!

Again, we were not short of stupid people making “woof woof” sounds. Really. I bark because I’m a dog. You bark because you’re a retarded moron?

We walked the whole length of the beach from Tanjong beach at the Sentosa Resort and Spa all the way to Siloso beach at Rasa Sentosa Resort.

Then Mother thought it would be fun (her idea of fun not mine) to go to the Underwater World. There was a pond of turtles there and I must admit, those creatures fascinate me! Mother was afraid I was going to jump in because I actually put my 2 paws on the rocks to get a closer look. She brought me down the steps to see them in the underwater enclosure. Wooo. I want to be a fish! They looked so carefree drifting through the water!

There was a guy carrying a snake near the pond. Mother asked if I wanted to take a picture of a snake draped around my neck for $6! No. Thank. You.  I’d rather not die today.

“Maybe I should set up a table and charge people to take pictures with YOU, boy. You’re gathering alot of attention!” said Mother. And I was. I was like a celebrity. Everyone flocked towards me and asked to pet me. If I could I would lift my paw and do the Queen’s wave. Careful now, don’t mess the fur.

“Ooh! Look! A shark!” A shark?? WHERE?!

Sigh. The humiliation. At least she didn’t make me sit on it or something. Or pretend to bite it or whatever tourists do to shark models.

We stayed in Sentosa till about 8pm, doing equally stupid things of course, while we waited for Father to pick us up. I wished Father could have come earlier!! Sigh.

Here’s a nice shot of ME. And the beach at night.

Mother took me to Sentosa island a couple of weeks back! It wasn’t really the first time I’ve seen the sea (we went to East Coast park ages ago for the first sheltie gathering I attended).

I quite like frolicking in the water! The bubbly surf moves! So enticingly! Out into the sea, then back onto the shore, out again, then back. I was hoping I could grab me some of that but all I got was a mouthful of salt water. Tasty!

Mother was so not prepared to go to a beach. She didn’t bring towels or anything, so I had to air dry my butt. We walked through crowds dripping! So unglam Mother. 

There was this one boy who was walking behind us that kept making stupid irritating “woof woof” noises like it’s a rabid dog. *rolls eyes* Mother got quite annoyed so she sat me down on the side of the path and as they walked by, she made me bark loudly! ROAWWRRRRR (or something like that *ahem*) The boy jumped and his father quickly turned to him and said “hurry up, walk faster”. TEE HEE HEE. Mother and I had a good chuckle. Don’t think just because I look like Lassie you can make fun of ME. 

 This is my stylo shot. I told Mother to take it. She couldn’t stop rolling her eyes at my vanity. I looked hot! And I was wearing a new collar and leash! Of course I want to capture my astounding handsomeness against a backdrop of blue sky, turquoise sea and sandy beach!

Ma! Look! Pretty girlies over there! Sentosa is great. All these young teenage girls come up to me and coo and say how cute and handsome I look and they pat me and make such a big fuss! While Mother stands there hands on her hips, rolling her eyes trying hard to not make it obvious that she is jealous she doesn’t have teenage boys fawning over her. I can’t help it if I’m gorgeous, Mother.

Thank you for coming to my pawty and for all the fabulous gifts! I love them! Hope you all had a great time! Mother says I might have to make do with just her, Father and a cupcake for my 2nd birthday because she’s completely knackered from the pawty. I don’t know what she’s complaining about when I was the one going around making sure everyone had a great time!

See you all again soon!

If you want to see pictures of the pawty, they are available here and here (thanks to Pirate!).

I’m having a barkday pawty to celebrate my first birthday! YOU’RE INVITED! Let me know if you and your human are coming ok? Mother needs to give the numbers to the food people so all humans and dogs get something to eat and drink!

It will be held on 22nd March 2009 (Sunday) at 4pm held at K9 Kulture (Turf City)!

Woohoo! I want to now be called RAMBO! (Though it will be very confusing for Mother whose favourite mouse is called Rambo) I received my first BATTLE WOUND! On my neck too! So hot. So macho. I’ll have a sexy scar to show off to the ladies this weekend at the dog run!

Remember that crazy little jack russell terrier hanging off me in the video I posted not long ago? The sister of the brother I was annoying? Yes, well, she actually BIT ME! 2 weeks ago! YES! I KNOW! HOW COOL IS THAT! What? Not cool? Why is everyone like Mother!! She also thinks it’s not cool. She thinks I’m nuts too for the following reasons (I quote):

1. “You didn’t yelp or whine or anything! You just took it silently?!? You? Drama queen of the year? The dog that tripped over his own feet while being chased by a husky and screamed bloody murder and made me think you broke your leg when all you got was a tiny scratch!??”

2. “How can you continue to hound the brother and hang around the sister the whole time they were at the dog run?? I remember that day - you didn’t want to leave their table until they had left! Why would you want to be near the dog that just bit you??”

3. “You crazy little mutt! You even played with the JRT that bit you last week!! Don’t tell me you can’t remember the scent of the one that attacked you? Is this like some sort of canine Stockholm syndrome where you love the dog that attacked you??”

Mother doesn’t actually blame the JRT for biting me, because she says I deserve it for annoying the crap out of the JRT’s brother. It’s not a deep wound anyway. My collar got in the way and she thinks only two fangs punctured my neck. We went to the vet and he shaved off a bit of fur there (I told him not too much because I still want to look super handsome) and gave me an antibiotic jab that made me woozy and lethargic. I missed the sheltie gathering because of that (and the rain)!

I’m all better now if you were wondering. It’s healed nicely and Mother thinks there actually won’t be a scar. DANG IT!

OH YES!! Did I tell you? I was trying to push the boundaries and test the water last weekend! Being my naughty rebellious adolescent self, I was on Mother’s couch in her room doing my cute digging thing and amusing her while she watched me with her camera in hand. Then!! Guess what I did!! GUESS!!

I LIFTED MY LEG AND PEED ON THE COUCH AND THE COUCH PILLOW!! Teeheeheeheehee. Boy it was hilarious! I was looking right at Mother when I did it! You should have seen Mother’s face! Her jaw dropped and her eyes were wide like saucers! Then of course, she gathered her wits and before the last trickle of pee left my body, she said Bad Boy! picked me up and dumped me in my time out area. I was given a 45 minute time out!! But you know, between you and me, it was well worth it!! Heehee. SSSSHHH!!!!