*buzz on the intercom* “Romeo, can I see you in my office please. NOW.”

“Uh-oh. What did I do now?” I wondered as I slowly made my way to Mother’s “office” (aka her room but she likes to feel important).

“Romeo, please sit. Sit. SIT I SAY!”

I comply and look at her with the saddest face I could muster hoping I won’t get into too much trouble. Ohmigod, what if she takes away my treats?!

“It has come to my attention that your adolescence has not ended. I don’t understand. I thought you were all grown up. Explain yourself.”

“Err.. I have urges. I have strong desires to sniff and meet every female I meet and suss out every male competition I come across! I didn’t mean anything by it!” I cry, keeping my legs closed tightly in hopes she doesn’t realise the true cause of my behaviours.

“You can uncross your legs boy. I cannot neuter you.”

PHEW!!!

“BUT you must learn to pay me more heed, do you hear me? I cannot simply cease to exist the moment we walk out the front door. You MUST place Mother above all else - above females, pee smells, whatever. You must LOOK AT MUMMY from time to time. You must check in with me.”

“Whaaaaat.” Oops. Shouldn’t have said that out loud. Mother narrows her eyes to thin slits. Her eyes drill holes into my head.

“I will teach you how to do this since you clearly don’t know how. I will teach you how to give me ATTENTION.”

Uhoh here it comes!

“From now on, you will not have free access to anything outdoors. You will no longer be allowed off leash or to dog parks. You will be tethered to me at all times until you learn the meaning of ATTENTION. You will not be permitted to sniff or mark any tree, pole, bush or other object when we are outdoors. You will (as far as possible) not be allowed to meet dogs anymore.”

“WHAT! No! That’s unfair! UNREASONABLE! I wil call the Sheltie Union on you!” say I as I bang my paw on her desk in a show of false bravado.

“Oh you and your pigheaded demon-spawn stubborn crazy behaviour. Sit your ass down! I’m not done. If you want to be able to do any of what I am now restricting, you may. PROVIDED you look at me.”

Huh. WTF. I stare back at her blankly. Me no comprehende.

Mother purses her lips. “Geez, when you’re a teen your brain goes too doesn’t it? I MEAN, every time you look at me, you will be rewarded with whatever you so really want to do, like tree sniffing. If we are on a walk, for example, you will be required to walk close to me on loose leash and not sniff anything at all. If you do, for whatever reason hallelujah praise the Lord, actually LOOK ME IN THE EYES, I will let you mark and sniff the nearest tree to your heart’s content.”

*mumble mumble* “yeeeea alright….” *more moaning and groaning*

“I’m tired of your teenage don’t give a damn about mum behaviour. It makes Mother feel like a pile of doodoo. Ok, you’re dismissed.

Oh wait. I forgot to tell you. We’ve got a new comer joining us soon. A girlie called Juliet. She will be your sister. You had better buck up before she gets here and set a good example for her to follow! Or else!! Ok now go. Shoo shoo. Give mummy some time alone to play Cafe World and Farmville.” as Mother shuts the door behind me.

Juliet? What? Who??

Hah! I’m FAMOUS! All famous people are immortalized in drawings and I AM ONE OF THEM! Thanks to a little girlie named Carol who so kindly sketched a picture of me as a Christmas present! How awesome is this!! Carol’s only 12 but she’s going to be a great artist one day, I can tell! This sketch of me is going to be worth tons! THANKS CAROL! I heart you!

Check me out in all my graphite glory.

I’m Santa’s little helper this year (No thanks to Mother. She should have listened to Father who said the ears were a waste of money, but noooo.. “it’s so cute! He’ll look adorable in it!” Boo.) Don’t leave your milk and cookies out for Santa coz I’mma gonna get them! Nom nom nom..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Today Mother took clicker training to new heights. She’d inadvertently locked herself and me out of the house (again mind you) this morning when we got back after swimming. Sadly for her she couldn’t fit through the grills (I’d told her to go on a diet, but no, the Christmas goodies were too hard for her to resist), but I could run into the house and rub my face all over the couch while she stood there thinking what the heck to do.

There is a key inside the house which she’d tried to grab but this time she’d knocked it too far for her to reach. “ARRRGGGHH!!!! *censored* How am I going to get into the house!?!?” she screamed.

What then did Mother do?

What every clicker trainer with a dog in the house might do. She clicker trained her way to the key!

She had with her some leftover treats from the morning and of course her trusty clicker. She waved a treat in front of me and pointed frantically at the key in her desperation, telling me to “bring it here” repeatedly. I however, couldn’t see the key and fetched her all of my toys except the key. Groaning in frustration, she stumbled upon a way to get me to notice the key on the ground. She started throwing treats at it, but that didn’t work of course. Then she got me to fetch her a ball toy and tossed that. It did the trick and jingled the key which caught my attention. The minute my nose hit the key for a sniff - CLICK! Mother clicked for every nose touch, then tried to get me to pick it up. But the silly woman never taught me to pick up small metal articles before so I was abit wary of doing that. I think she probably realised she didn’t have enough treats to go through the whole process and decided to click for pawing the key towards her, and I do love to use my paws!

10 minutes later, Mother was at the fridge taking out a knuckle bone as a reward for my hard work. I’m not sure if she’ll learn her lesson and take a key with her whenever she leaves the house or if she’ll see this as a challenge and actually put key-taking on cue! Burglary by clicker training anyone?

..site, the day before the USDAA trials. Heehee.

Look what I (did not) participate in!

Whee! What a great week! Many interesting events. Let me give you a run down.

Over the weekend, my pals Ruthie, Reyla, Enzo & Wally celebrated their first birthday at K9 Kulture! We had a fabulous time of course. Me especially so! I was like a moth to Ruthie’s flame. Mother kept slapping her hand to her forehead when I chased her down and tried to show her my moves. She mumbled something about it being a good thing Ruthie wore some pants but not that I knew how to do it anyway. It? What’s It? 

Here are pictures from that day!

Mother decided to buy a whole duck from the market on Sunday. She got a big bag of hearts, livers and gizzards from 8 ducks for free! She says she’s so going back to this butcher. Instead of having to pay for 

livers and other “spare parts”, she can get it for free! Here was my dinner that night. Not for the faint hearted. I’ve decided I don’t like duck as much as other meats tho’. It doesn’t seem to have any smell! 

Mother told me that after she had chopped off the duck’s head, neck and a wing, it quacked. She and Auntie M, our helper stopped and Auntie M asked “Did you hear that?” And Mother was like.. “YEA! FREAKY!” So apparently this duck’s soul is still flying around. Either that or Mother has gone a little quacky!

Mother and Father took half the day off on Monday to run some errands then took me to the Botanical Gardens! I prefer the place when it’s not so crowded. We usually go on a

 Sunday when there are alot of people and dogs all around! Mother put my on a long leash and let me run around. I showed her tho’! I followed wherever she went and listened to her directions and she rewarded me by running through the fields! I love running! I don’t think Mother does tho’. She says she’s allergic to running - her thighs itch and all that.

All in a day’s work. 

These were actually taken by Mother over a few days (usually not weekends because if I’m tired and sleeping, she’d be exhausted and sleeping right next to me too!). As you can see, my favourite hobby is sleeping! I wish she’d leave me alone and stop taking pictures of me drooling! I suppose I should be thankful she didn’t make me put up the ones with my legs in the air!

This is my blue steel look:

Over the weekend Mother dragged me for a photoshoot in support of Charmaine a little 4 year old girl who has cancer and who is trying to raise money to pay for medical treatments that will increase her chances of living from 10-20% to 35-45%. I hope I get to meet her one day! She’s such a strong and brave kid.

Can I just say it isn’t easy being a model? I was totally freaking out on the table - I wasn’t used to standing on a weird table in a weird place. It took a barking photographer (he barks very realistically) and squeaky toys and treats to get the pictures you see here. It’s not that I don’t know my sit-stays and down-stays. It’s just that I need more time people! I need time to get my BLUE STEEL look!

Here are more pictures from that day. We, Mother, Father & I, took one together too.

Before I was a dog Mom:
I made and ate hot meals unmolested.
I had unstained, unfurred clothes.
I had quiet conversations on the phone,
even if the doorbell rang.

Teehee. She can forget about a new rug too - I love digging at that as well!